Definition of a Redneck Yuppie

So, most people would look at that title and right away come to the conclusion that these are very conflicting terms. Sure, you could look at it that way and you'd probably be right 99.9999993% of the time. I just happen to be Mr. 0.0000007%. Right about describes my success at anything too.

How does one attain such a lofty position in life you ask? It really is a product of parental influence combined with geographical location. These two things have brought me to the latte sipping, SUV driving and suit wearing outdoors man I am today.

So, let's examine the facts and you can decide if my ramblings are worthy the label "Mumblings of a Redneck Yuppie". First the Yuppie:

1. I have no qualms about spending over $3.00 for a cup of coffee at Starbucks in spite of my parents' humble background and upbringing. My mother would probably just roll her eyes and give me one of those looks that lets you know that you are far exceeding any dreams you had of letting her down while my father would just shake his head and mumble under his breath.
2. I drive an SUV. Yes, I know. One of those gas guzzling hogs of the highway. I upgraded to this Yuppie-mobile from a 4WD Chevy S10 ZR2. This was one example where I traded in my redneck for my yuppified suburban life.
3. I wear a tie to work....everyday. One exception - casual Fridays. I have a cleaning bill to go along with my many of cost of living expenses. Of course that could probably be construed as excess in some way so, I'm throwing it out here as another example.
4. Now, on to electronics. I love them and I have them. If it plugs in or runs on batteries, chances are I have it or I want it. I live for my gadgets and I am subject to buying any I can get my hands on.

Now the Redneck:

1. I prefer t-shirts to any other shirt known to man. I have them in all shapes and sizes not to mention the hole factor. For those of you wondering what this is, it is the measure of the quality of a particular t-shirt by the number of holes in it. Chances are if it has a lot of holes, I love it and I refuse to part with it.
2. I have been know to murder small and large fuzzy critters of the wild. In other words, I know how to use firearms and enjoy hunting very much. Now, my father would probably say I'm full of the brown stuff if he heard this but that is mostly because I am not obsessed enough with this past time to suit his desires. However, I am good enough to pick off pigeons in the shadows of a barn with a pellet gun without having been to a firing range or a hunt in a few years. And for all of you PETA crazed lunatics, I have a license and I follow the game laws. Not to mention, Bambi is very yummy.
3. I spend at least one weekend every year tossing hay bales around on the back of a hay wagon and in the hay loft. It never ceases to amaze many of my co-workers that I have been known to enjoy this too. My parents live on a farm and I probably enjoy being there and pretending to have a clue about farming more than just about anything else I do with regularity, even though they could use a Starbucks nearby.
4. My bodily functions. Far and away these are the things my wife finds "most" endearing about me. If it makes a noise or a sound, I love practicing it. Everything from the "Farmer's Snort" to the "Silent but Deadly" are in my repertoire.

So, there are some initial facts which I am basing my points upon. Some may argue whether these qualify me but I'm not here to argue about that. I just want to share with the perspective of one such individual and encourage the responses that these may elicit. I look forward to what the future may bring with this blog and my pursuit of a "true" place in the cosmos.